The Forge

You're not worth it.
None of you demons in my head is worth the cost. So you might as well give up.
No. I can't make that decision.
It's not my decision to make. It's--complicated, i guess. I'm just saying, it's not mine. I can't--it affects more than just me.

This is what it's like. It hurts lots of people. Well, a few, anyway, directly, and then others maybe. No way to really know. But it's like, it hurts me. And it'll hurt God. And then it'll hurt someone else. Someone i may have never met before. Or maybe a really close friend. I don't know. Not my place to know. But the fact is, it's there, the reality of it all, and i have to deal with that. I can't keep being so naive.

It's too difficult to make that decision. See, me, well...i can do that. We all do it. We love to hurt ourselves, we do it all the time. Every time you pull through a McDonalds Drive-Thru. Or take that slice of cake. Or let your treadmill go dusty. Those papers you save for writing right before the deadline. The hours you should have been resting, but spent gallivanting around the city, or glued to a computer screen. You say you love yourself. Most of the time you say that to justify your actions. But if you really, and i mean really loved yourself, you'd take a lot better care of yourself. Face it. You know it's true.

But, okay, you don't care about yourself. So then there's God. That's easy, too, because you cheat him so often it's hard to consider the ramifications of just one specific action. Whenever something goes wrong, you blame him. You like the idea of it being his fault, because then you don't have to take responsibility for yourself. You live in a country that is at once the most self-centered and egocentric in the world, and yet least willing to accept personal responsibility for its actions. So you point the finger at God, and step nonchalantly in to the next Burger King, the next night club, the next adult video store. You don't care about God at all. Besides, what's one more lash on an already broken back?

But then it comes down to the other and you get real still. Because that's different. Stab me, stab my religion, whatever. But most people can't just stab their friends. And even fewer can stab a total stranger. Especially in this case. It's the most beautiful person you've ever seen, even if you don't realize it yet. Someone you'd like to spend your whole life with. Providence says you can do so. But here you are, taking that beautiful face, and spitting in it, kicking it to the ground, grinding it into the mud with your boot, and all for what?

You can't justify it. None of you can.
Just not worth it. None of the demons in your head are worth the cost.
So tell them to give it up and leave you alone.
It's not your decision to make.

Cut the vines.