The Forge

No, I'm not going to cleverly intertwine two blatantly unrelated topics. This is actually the result of me having unfinished business from yesterday (two days ago for the scrupulous reader who notices that it is after midnight), combined with what will soon be the obvious fact that I don't really have enough witty content on either subject to devote an entire blog to. But digression is imminent.

As for the first topic, an anecdote: A somewhat new friend of mine (previously a somewhat new acquaintance) recently ran up to--or, rather, into--me as I stood idly by my register. She seemed a bit winded and so, naturally, I inquired what had preceded said state. Her story was short and concise: she'd been in the back (stocking) room, in the process of pushing a relatively heavy 'u-boat' (the wonderful misnomer for an overgrown shopping cart, bearing absolutely no resemblance to the German submerged vehicle exempt, perhaps, it's tendency to sink when it is least beneficial) when a hideous beast threw itself from the ceiling and into her face, presumably with the intention of devouring her. Thankfully, she managed to escape untimely demise by shrieking at supersonic decibels and then running from the back room, through the heavy two-way-swing doors, and all the way to where she presently recounted her terrible tale. She embellished the story by showing me with her thumb and forefinger the size of her attacker, approximately the size of a half-dollar. I chuckled. She waxed.

Amanda's arachnophobia, while momentarily amusing, does make one wonder about fear. Where is it grounded? Why do we as humans always seem to find the most trifling creatures or ideas so terrifying? Did the vicious monster purposely fling itself upon her? Was it, even at the size she claimed it to possess, truly a vicious monster? If you've ever watched a spider's movements, then chances are you'll agree with me in saying 'no.' More commonly, spiders are terrified of us. They will find their way up some vertical surface, often slipping off many times. A few are lucky enough to make it to a second horizontal surface, at which point I'm sure the thought running through their minds is not "I'm glad I've got this excellent vantage point" so much as "now what?" The decision to defy gravity lasts for a little while, until a sudden failure of adhesive leads to a startling plummet towards sudden doom, much like bungee jumping, resulting in a sudden catch by a fortunate line of webbing. At this point the spider sees a gigantic human face, but only for a split second, because then the person unleashes a destructive wave of sound which not only disintegrates the webbing but also causes the brain to liquefy.

But people aren't the only things worthy of fear in this world. Additionally, we have dark, light, closed spaces, open spaces, falling, rising, swimming, drowning, life, death, and ourselves. Clowns, created for the single purpose of entertainment, are no longer invited to children's parties because roughly half of the attendees have seen the movie It. Hollywood has similarly managed to scare people away from Dolls, animals, hands, graveyards, and hitchhikers. But I'm not really concerned about that. Actually, I'm not sure what it is exactly that I am concerned about.

Over dinner, a few friends of mine discussed Fear Factor. The question at hand was how far each of us was willing to go for money. "I can eat pretty much anything they put in front of me," said Michael. "Unless it's living." I for one would appreciate the chance to swallow a daddy long-leg, a notion that I shared with my companions as I dipped my roast beef sandwich into its au-jus. Andrew did not seem to be much afraid of anything. As with the arachnids, I professed bravery in the usual areas of reptiles and insects. The idea of pain didn't entertain me much: being covered by stinging bees did not sound like my idea of a good way to spend my day. Admit it or not, I'd probably have a huge problem with heights challenges. My real fear, however, is earwigs. I was attacked by an army of them once, while reading in a clubhouse, and I've never quite been the same. The first person to find the word for "fear of earwigs" gets...well...nothing. Except perhaps my gratitude.

One thing that many people seem particularly afraid of is failure. Although I am generally very indecisive (the choice I made for 'greatest fear' in the original Kingdom Hearts), I wouldn't exactly call it a fear. This is probably because I fail at so many things--it's become almost natural. Take, for example, bowling, a task I recently (attempted to) accomplish with a few friends (different ones. I've a vivid imagination). If I broke 75 points, I don't remember. Elijah is, sadly, better at bowling through his legs than I am when at my best. David will probably go pro one day, mostly because he has mastered the anxious wait face (for when the ball is on its way to the pins) and the YES! or NO! face (for when the ball has finished its job--mind you, the latter of these was exhibited far less often). He even has the whole pulled punch move down, where one reaches forward a little and then quickly pull back their arm in a downward direction, trying to avoid ribbing the person behind them.

I don't really have anything else to say about bowling. On the way home, though, there was a bit of comic relief (from my scoring, or lack thereof). We were discussing colleges, as Dave had been accepted to Geneva and I to Grove City College. We were speculating on the exact distance between them, which we guessed to be about an hour. To this, Elijah responded: You two can drive a half-hour and meet up, drink some coffee, get a hotel room, go upstairs, whisper softly in each other's ear, and... play Othello. Maybe the only reason I found that funny was because I was exhausted (still am). If you also found it funny, don't tell me. You are exhausted too.

Alas, there's nothing else to say. Some select lyrics to a delectable song by Paul and Storm, about how bowling ought to be:
At Mr. safety's Bowling Alley...
The first thing that you'll notice when you walk in the door:
The pins are made out of Nerf and they're nailed to the floor.
And with your rental shoes, you also choose a set of kneepads, shoulder pads, elbow pads,
Shin guards, chest protector, face mask, codpiece and a helmet.
Down at Mr. Safety's bowling alley, Mr. Safety's bowling alley
The square balls may not roll,
And they have handles instead of holes
But having lots of fun is not the primary goal, at Mr. Safety's bowling alley
You can only bowl 3 frames every hour to guard against carpal tunnel...