The Forge

About a week ago i got a white envelope from the mailroom, one of those small, exciting, bubble-wrapped ones that often boast contents more interesting than a simple letter and almost always prove more mysterious. It had been sent from the beautiful state of Massachusetts, specifically from the home of Audrey Woods. I assumed it was a birthday present, as i'd been forewarned (though, admittedly, had also forgotten) that a package was incoming from her. But as for what it was, i hadn't the slightest idea as i used the only reasonably sharp object in my possession--my mailbox key--to tear open the flap at the end of the envelope.

It's probable that i neither have nor will receive a more interesting, unique, and memorable gift than what i found inside that enigmatic wrapping. It is a small paperback book, baring the words "PASSAGES JOURNAL" like a banner on the top portion and the description ("A personal notebook with quotes on growth, change, and understanding") along the bottom. Between is an illustration of an arbitrary path with two people treading it (though not, to my surprise, with any sign of a possible path-crossing in the near future, as they are travelling in the same direction).

As i thumbed through the pages (with my index finger, naturally) i noticed what i assumed were standard pictures and inspirational phrases. To be sure, the passages journal does indeed come with standard inspirational phrases; but as i soon realized, the images and many of the longer tidbits of insight were in fact additions made by my benefactor. Suddenly i realized that this was more than just a journal; it was a massive collage designed specifically for me, with the hope that i would write in it daily, all the while carrying on a sort of dialogue with a person whose words--while written days, months, even a year before--would be fresh and invigorating with every new page.

As i had this epiphany, my right hand detected a certain weight at the back of the journal, so i flipped to the back cover only to find a square envelope affixed with an illustration of a turtle (baring headphones which in turn released musical notation) and the word LISTEN with arrows pointing inside the envelope. Within i discovered a home-made album with the words "Devastation and Reform...A Mixed CD For Adam From Audrey =)" scrawled on it with what i assume was a sharpie. Along with the album was a home-made (and very well, i might add) album insert. The front depicts a road leading to the distance, along with a repetition of the mix title; the rear contains a listing of the 19 songs Devastation and Reform is comprised of. Now, whilst i enjoy all of the songs and many of them hold special meaning to both of us for some reason or another, i must say that my favorite song (at least for now--this does tend to fluctuate) is one i'd never heard by a band i've never listened to; namely, "Chaos" by Mute Math. The lyrics are so potent, and so relevant at this volatile point in my life...and the music's not bad either. So without further ado:

Complication's my claim to fame
And i can’t believe there’s another,
Constantly just another
Can’t avoid what i can’t control
And i’m losing ground,
Still i can’t stand down
And i know, yea i know
Yeah…

I know You stay true when my world is false
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos
I always see You when my sight is lost,
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos
I know You stay true when my world is false
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos
I always see You when my sight is lost,
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos

It’s hard to trust anyone again
After all the let-downs i’ve been through,
Haunted by what i’ve been through.
Air’s still trapped, while i still can’t breathe,
And i’m screaming out, "give me help somehow!"
And i Know, yea i know
Yeah…

I know You stay true when my world is false
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos
I always see You when my sight is lost,
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos
I know You stay true when my world is false
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos
I always see You when my sight is lost,
Everything around’s breaking down...

…Chaos! Chaos!
I know You stay true, yeah
I know You stay-
Go! Go! Go!

You stay true when my world is false
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos
I know You stay
I know You stay true when my world is false
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos
I know You stay
I know You stay true
Everything around’s breaking down
I know You stay true
Everything around’s breaking down
You stay true when my world is false
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos
I always see You when my sight is lost,
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos
I know You stay true when my world is false
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos
I always see You when my sight is lost,
Everything around’s breaking down like Chaos

Other bands on Audrey's mix are Relient K, Plumb, Making April, Sherwood, Falling Up, and (of course!) Anberlin.

However it's not as if i popped the CD in my tray and did nothing for the next hour or two. In fact i didn't actually listen to Chaos or any of the other songs for several days. So as i discovered the album, i returned it to its sheath and then decided to see if the front cover bore anything interesting. It is here that i found the card from Audrey and her husband Sam, a very cool letter indeed. But perhaps the best part of the gift was something mentioned in the card:

Also, i've made a commitment to pray for you every day now, which i've already started doing. I hope you're ready for the blessings and amazing things to come!

Wow. That's just awesome. And so vital. It's funny because sometimes we get so caught up in praying for things for us that we forget to pray just for us. I know i'm guilty of that; amidst all the chaos i sometimes forget that all i really need is God's peace and direction.

Back in high school we awesome chemists created a team name to encompass how random we all were: Entropy Unleashed. Well those days, despite how bittersweet it may be, are over and gone. And so, i truly pray, are the days of entropy. I don't mean to say that spontaneity in life is bad; but when we define our lives by having no clear vector, no purpose (except a vague "i'm living for God"), then perhaps it's time to step out from the chaos.

Which is why i'm glad that eight songs after Chaos, Audrey included another Mute Math song. Control.

Take control of the atmosphere
Take me far away from here
There is no better loss than to lose myself in You
In a parachute to glide, i am captive in Your sky
Surrender has somehow become so beautiful

Take control of the atmosphere
Take control of the atmosphere
You can take my world
You can fill the air
Take control, take control

Such a beautiful surrender
Such a beautiful surrender
It's such a beautiful surrender
It's such a beautiful surrender

Move me up through the darkest clouds
Till I've lost in the Son every shadow of doubt
There is no better find than to find myself with You
In a fog You are all I see
I'm inviting You closer with each time I breathe
Surrender has somehow become so beautiful

Take control of the atmosphere
Take control of the atmosphere
You can take my world
You can fill the air
Take control, take control
Take control, take control

Such a beautiful surrender
Such a beautiful surrender
It's such a beautiful surrender
It's such a beautiful surrender

Take control of the atmosphere
Take control of the atmosphere
There's no reason I should breathe
Unless You're in the air
Take control, yeah-ay, woah-oh-oh

Such a beautiful surrender
Such a beautiful surrender

And I'm calling out
Would You take control?
And I'm calling out
Should, should, should...