The Forge

First of all, if you're not yet acquainted with Dragonforce, i strongly encourage you to become as such.

Now then, once upon a time young children frolicked in sun-swept meadows, gleefully tossing a harmless plastic disk back and forth for the sheer joy it brought them. Before Jack's accident, he and Jill would go out in the front yard after retrieving water for mother to have a pleasant game of Frisbee. Light wrist flicks and short jogs were the extent of exercise in such a game, except when their uncoordinated friends Dick and Jane arrived. Jack and Jill were discreet about it, but everyone knew that Dick and Jane were a little too...well...simple and Frisbee required a certain level of "aim" and "force."

And so these two bucket-carrying siblings devised a plan to forever rid themselves of their nuisance neighbors. They would create a new kind of disc-tossing game, one that involved a lot of running and very little in the form of mercy.

"Hey Dick, guess what! Jill and i came up with a new game to play!"
Dick looked at Jack.
Jane looked at Jack.
Jack looked at Dick and Jane.
Jane said, "I like Frisbee."
Dick said, "I like Frisbee."
Both Dick and Jane said they liked Frisbee.
"Well, it's kinda like Frisbee," Jack said, tossing a malicious wink in the direction of his sister. "We call it Ultimate Frisbee."

And so began a legacy. Ultimate Frisbee more closely resembled football than anything else. Gone were the notions of freedom and frolicking: these were replaced with phrases like "running game," "deep threat," and "stalling." The goal was to get your frisbee from one end of the field to the other. You couldn't move while holding the disc, and whenever you went to throw it to your friends some mean kid on the other team would run up and smack it out of the air. So while your friend tried to get away from the other bullies, one of them would come over and yell "Stall ONE...Stall TWO...Stall THREE!" in your face so as to make you pee in your pants.

Once, Jane threw a beautiful pass down the field to Dick, who somehow managed to catch it despite his lack of coordination. "You're out of bounds, moron!" yelled their host. "Give me the Frisbee!"

Indeed, there were very strict rules for this game. You couldn't throw the Frisbee too far, and yet it always seemed to Dick that when he threw it lightly Jack or Jill was always ready to knock it out of the way.

These weren't the only changes, of course. Jack also had new ways to throw the Frisbee. When Dick tried to knock the Frisbee out of his hand on the left side, Jack would simply reach around and flick the disc with a nasty sidearm. It was Jane who figured out that kicking her legs in the air might disrupt this method; unfortunately for her, Jack could also throw the Frisbee upside down over both their heads.

"Man, that thing went up and then just dropped out of the sky. You know, like when dad tries to get a nail into a piece of wood and he pulls his hammer back and swings down hard, only to reduce his fingers to a bloody pulp."

Thus was born the hammer, a malicious way to avoid having your disc knocked out your hands but doubly hard to catch on the receiving end.

Eventually Dick and Jane decided it was more fun to play with their dog, Spot. They liked to see Spot run, sit, jump, and play dead. Jane particularly liked the latter, so much so that she grew up to be a taxidermist. Dick, upset at his athletic shortcomings and unable to get any real friends, became a criminal mastermind bent on getting back at Jack and Jill for their treachery.

A few months after the bucket incident, new developments revealed that Jack hadn't fallen down the hill unaided, but rather had been pushed by his sister. The motive became apparent when their mother found secret love letters under her bed to her childhood friend Dick...

Jack never was quite the same. One unfortunate day he came to the top of a cliff only to find a note:

Hey, Jack, guess what?!
I found a ton of treasure at the bottom of this cliff. All you gotta do is jump down there and it's yours! Your pal, Dick.

In the end, Jane's brother lived up to his name, and it was the last time the world ever saw a jumping Jack.


THE END




So yeah, i don't know why i wrote that except to prove myself psychotic and hint at the atrocious level of competition inherent to IM Ultimate, the sport of choice at GCC and the one in which i'll be participating tonight. This is our first game, and i've got no real idea what to expect. I'll keep ya posted: in the meantime, pray for Dick's immortal soul.